How is Geck feeling?

lisa cross eyed laughing

  • Flying saucer stamp gif
  • Gif that said I love the night
  • twightlight gif stamp
  • i still sleep with stuffies

Hello!! And welcome to my blog/online diary. I love to share about myself with strangers on the internet, and this will be my space to do just that!

Please note: I am an adult, and will be sharing about adult topics including and not limted to relationships, alcohol, and other 21+ topics. I may also share about my life and emotions, but I will put a TW on anything that needs one.

12/17/24

Had therapy today, and dude it was weird. I've had this therapist for like 3 years now (i think more but math is annoying) and so at this point we know each other really well. He kept giving me this face and asking werid questions. I know thats a therapists job, but I can tell he's currently wondering about something, but he doesn't want to tell me what because he knows I'll take it and run with it. So he's just asking his little questions and leaving me to figure out why. Rude if you ask me.

I think I might be about to go like cookoo for coco puffs. Like I'm always a little bonkers, but recently I've felt like I'm about to go off the rails. Honestly my goal right now is just to stay out of the psychward for the holidays. I honestly wouldn't mind being in there for them, but I know it would be really sad for my boyfriend, so I'm just going to hold it together until at least then.

TW MENTIONS OF ED AND RELAPSE

Currently relapsing just a lil in my ED. Nothing crazy, just a little bit, but its happening lmfao. I've just started having my little routines and shit, idk it can be so comforting sometimes. I talked with my bf about it a little, he's always so curious about my ED. And I get it, when I was stuck in an EDNOS phase for years, I was always so curious how people actually developed true ana, it just seemed so impossible. And then one day, I just was able to do it. So weird.

END OF TW

Anyways I'm going to go drink my coffee and watch some YouTube. I don't work until 3 today, which is so strange and I lowkey hate it. Only because I don't have a routine yet for the days that I work so late. But I'm trying to start one today part 1 is that I'm not allowed to think about getting ready until 12:30 or 1. Why do I need to start thinking about getting ready when my job is a 2 minute walk from me?? Ask my therapist idk man.

12/16/25

I have spent so much time on the layout these past couple of days, but man I am so happy with it. At first I didn't want to feel like I was copying other peoples layout with the whole container thing, but then I realized that everyone did it because it made it the easiest to adjust, and especially made it easier to make it not look awful when I minimize the screen. My only issue is the FUCKING LOGO driving me actually insane I've just decided to leave it so that if it were to look weird it just goes away. I honestly have no idea what to try next and my brain is fried dude. Anyways I wanna look around for a cool background to put it, I kinda want it to be a gif. Theres this really really awesome star background gif on Spacehey that I'd love to use, but that feels so not creative or original at all. So idk. If you see my page with that cool sparkly star background everyone has, just know that I realize how corny and lame it is. Its also really pretty and the exact vibe I'm going for here. Not my fault.

Its midnight so I guess the 17th, but I don't think that feels right lol. I'm not sure whats going on in my brain recently. It's never felt linear but it's been pretty different recently. I have therapy tomorrow which is always nice, but I close at work and I honestly HATE having time in the mornings rather than the evenings. I'm just not used to it, therefor I don't have a routine and feel like I'm treading water in the middle of the ocean. I need to sleep, gn yall. If there is anyone actually reading these, thank you so much and I am so sorry LOL.

12/15/24

YALL I have today off WOOHOO!!! Only one day off this week but its ok. Still happy I get to spend today doing whatever the fuck I want. I got to sleep in which was so fucking nice. I'm thinking about uploading true stories about my life onto the writing page, I genuinely have so many ideas for that page, I truly love to write. I want to reformat everything and make the banner different, but I honestly just don't want to spend so much time doing that. Anyways, Christmas is coming up and I FUCKING LOVE CHRISTMAS its my favorite time of year. It honestly has nothing to do with the actual holiday, I just find something beautiful in how it seems like no matter whats going on in the world, everyone comes together to celebrate all of the holidays surrounding December. All of the stores have the same music playing, toys are in every store. The vibes surrounding Christmas are IMMACULATE I just wish we could spend more time celebrating all of the other holidays for people who dont celebrate Christmas so everyone could feel this happy. Anyways I hope y'all are having a great day so far, Im hoping to spend time on here today.

The holidays always make me miss my family lowkey. I guess that makes sense, the holidays are all about family and how wonderful and necessary it is to have one, but I guess I thought I was over this by now lmfao. This is going to be my 4th year without them. I tried calling my mom on mothers day... that went AWFUL. Turned into 2 months of her randomly spam texting me the most disgusting, hurtful things. And I mean awful awful shit. Shit she was only saying because she knew that they were the most hurtful things she could say, not stuff that slipped out. I wish people understood. I know that theres a communitiy of people out there who are in the same boat as me, but its so hard to find them. Anyways, I hope you're all having a good night.
Okay I have spent WAY way too much time on here today (by which I mean the entire day) but I have completely changed the formatting, and I am SO happy with it. This is really starting to feel the way I want it too, and better yet, I am actually really starting to be able to understand the basics about this!! OOH I also made a Spacehey account, so if anyone is actually reading this and wants to be net neighbors or whatever thats called PLZ message me!!!!

Okay it is almost 12 and I work tomorrow I think??? At 11??? But since I don't have the app I'm always nervous the day after a day off. Anyways night yall!!!

12/13/24

I feel like I am about to be manicccc wooooo. Thinking about adding a password protected blog spot on here. Kinda forgot this was going to be a place where I shared everything about myself, now I have two coworkers who know about this site. One of them I don't mind knowing everything, but the otherrrrrr... I dunno lmfao. Also both of you don't ask which one you are, because I wont tell you 😘 Anyways, I have a story I want to upload on here that I wrote a while back, but I truly have no idea how I want the page oriented LOL. Probably gonna check around on Neocities and see if I can find some good ideas. Is that ethical?? I'm not like copy and pasting code or anything, just getting design ideas, but it still feels kinda icky.

OH yall so one of my managers gave me Saturday (tomorrow) off, and I have a feeling she thinks she was doing me a favor because I work Christmas Eve, but I don't think she realizes that I like working Saturdays, mainly because I babysit on Saturdays as well, and if I work there, then I still get two full days off where I don't work, but if I don't work, then it counts as one of my days off and I only get one actual day off. Idk definently a first world problem, but its still causing me distress today lmfao. So anyways I'm babysitting for seven hours on Saturday and UGH I'm hoping the kid is chill and we can just vibe, but I haven't ever watched him alone for that long and I think he's gonna get bored really fast.

YALL i am so irritated people suck so much. One of my managers can be SO MEAN DUDE ugh I hate people that are just rude and refuse to talk about things. Makes me miss my old city where everyone was so scared to hurt someones feelings that they talked about literally everything lol. I've been thinking about splitting my tongue, I wonder what the pain would be like.

12/11/24

I have a bunch of stuff I want to add on here, I'm hoping to get a chance on Sunday to spend some time on here, it's just my only day off this week so I might end up needing to spend it doing something else 🙄

12/10/24

Been having a hard time finding motivation to do anything, in a bit of a rough space honestly. I feel like I need a break, some time to just sit and do what I want to do. Or maybe thats the opposite of what I need right now.

12/7/24

We lost a rat last night, Noodle. He was the best Noodle. Always was happy to be pet, happy to see us, greet me at the cage. He is already dearly missed. RIP Noodle.

12/6/24

Yall my cats would not let me sleep last night. Im in the process of doing intros still, so one stays in the bedroom one stays in the main of the apartment. The one in the bedroom (Manny) does this thing where he'll poke my face and head while I'm sleeping to wake me up, and then meow in my face. Genuinely, so frustrating. And then the other cat (Kittysaurus) screamed at the door all night. Point being- I am exhausted and I have work in two hours. Ooh also I made an apointment at the DOT to get my PERMIT YESSS. Yes, I am 21 years old with no license. Go ahead. Laugh.

(later)

Work is killing me today. I think I am having focal seizures, but I do not have insurance so nothing can be done yay!!!!! I am so tired. Today hasn't been horrible, but my good coworkers are leaving for the day so I will be stuck with the harder to work with ones until I get to go home in 3.5 hours. Why can't I just be a housewife. Or win the lottery. I hope y'alls days are going okay.

12/5/24

So I had a couple entries in here, and then I decided to completely reformat everything, and didn't think to save the previous entries. I've had today and yesterday off from work, and being autistic, once I gain interest in something I have a very hard time putting it down again, so I have spent a lot of time trying to make this site look nice. I recently realized though, that this site is for me, and so it doesn't have to look any way, other than the way I want it to. So thats pretty cool.